SAN ANTONIO – This week your lunch professionals were hoping to discover a West Side diamond in the rough. But sometimes when you look in the rough, all you find is rocks.
- The agreement seems to be the Malt House is going to serve cheap food, and the customers aren’t going to expect much.
- Jerrod likes the chicken fried chicken. Our friend “Huggy Bear” say the fried chicken is good.
- The Pepsi is a perfect combination of syrup and carbonated water. The mashed hpotatoes have a very fashionable yellow color. Some might even call it “egg wash.” (editor’s note: we actually meant “egg shade.” Oops.)
- Although you can get a ¼ pound hamburger, fries and a Pepsi for $2.85. It’s not worth it.
- The chocolate malt is just a Styrofoam cup full of vanilla soft serve with chocolate sauce on top. Bob couldn’t taste anything resembling malt.
- They won’t tell you, but you’re supposed to seat yourself.
- The waitress that serves the drive up customers appears to be the only one with personality.
- The Malt House is a great place to beg for money if you’re a hobo.
- Even though it’s not on the menu, the crispy dog comes highly recommended by Yelp reviewers. It’s a hot dog wrapped in a tortilla, and then deep fried. They serve it with a package of mustard. Wait a few minutes for the grease to drain off and then the tortilla is crunchy.
- If you drive a tall vehicle, make sure you don’t bang it into the overhang.
Malt House
115 S. Zarzamora St.
San Antonio, TX 78207
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-Jerrod & Bob
VHS Apes 
You boys are so nice, that wasn’t anywhere near the bash-job I was expecting. Please for the love of god fix the mic rumble.
Crispy dogs are on the menu. Its found on the right leaf under the “Fatboy” hamburger
I’ve been going there ever since I can remember, but U guys are right the sevice has gone down bad. The malts are’nt really malts. the place needs a face lift. I think with the money they make they should remodel it and make it look like a malt house,they’ve had that place long enough to have done something to it . I’m just saying.On the positive side I really like the fried chicken !! Gotta Love it
the best items are the crispy dogs which are on the menu, cheeseburgers and black cows. Anything else really isnt worth the trip. I’ve been going there since I was a child.
I ATE THERE BACK IN 2003 AND THE WAITRESS THERE ASK IF SHE COULD EAT ME CAUSE MY LAST NAME IS BACON SHE WAS SERIOUS THO.